Rising Above: The Pre-Marital Wait

Yesterday at church, our pastor preached the second sermon in a series titled “Living Single,” which dives into how the Bible calls us to live as we date and prepare for marriage. And at the forefront of the discussion is a deep dive into SEX and the role it plays in our relationships (inside the covenant of marriage or otherwise).

Now, I’ll be the first one to say that talking about sex, especially at church, can feel a little awkward. Like, it’s hard to avoid making awkward eye contact with my neighbor (Dazell or otherwise) or fidgeting in my seat when the pastor talks about lust and sexual sin—especially since I’m guilty of it. But as awkward as sermons on sex can get, I wish churches discussed it more often.

I mean, we’re all thinking about it anyway! Imagine the healing that could happen, how many relationships could be transformed if we made sex UN-taboo at church. A little more than 3 years ago, Dazell and I engaged in a very similar series at the very same church.

And, while we didn’t know it then, those sermons would change the course of our relationship forever…

We were in the midst of an intense apartment hunt—the search for the perfect one bedroom that would become our first apartment. But, by the time the series was complete, and in concert with consistent prayer and discussion on our end, we stopped our search indefinitely. More specifically, we determined that God wanted us stop having sex all together. To wait to enjoy sex in the context of marriage. And while we were still navigating our relationship through the lens of dating, we decided to honor God’s word by entering a phase of celibacy.

So…yes, we’ve been waiting for three years now.

the original (well-loved lol) “commitment” card we got at church on 4/24/2016

It’s been tough—the waiting, the fortitude, the proximity and the distance. And I’m sure I’ll spend time lusting after my soon-to-be husband up until the night before the wedding. But I wouldn’t change our decision to wait or anything that’s come along with it, for anything in the world.

We decided to push past the culturally relevant definitions of relationship success or “How To” guide for pursuing a marriage. And now, less than 5 months before our wedding day, I’m so incredibly grateful for the way God has worked in our lives and in our relationship.

We aren’t perfect and our marriage won’t be either, but I find so much comfort in knowing that we’ve put so much effort in entering into a covenant with God at its center. I know this period a restraint, humility, and enhanced communication will only make our transition to married life sweeter.

Did any of you make celibacy a priority in your dating / pre-marital stages? What role did sex play in your relationship?

Let me know in the comment section below!

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